Nini Camelia and Uncle Rudlin

My aunt in my mother side, Nini Camelia. I call her "NINI" hard "I" like pin. Actually,it was suppose to be "aunty" but when I started to talk, I can't pronounce it well. I think I was able to read first before I really started to talk. My grand-uncle,Nini's father,has this Reader's Digest magazine collection since 1950. That was my reading source...this is another story though. Now,back to Nini...she is the youngest cousin of my mum and I even thought before that she was one of my cousins.

She studied in an all girls school here in Cebu City. Same school where her mother,Tita Luz,went...i think one of the schools, if I'm not mistaken. I would always feel excited if I would hear some news that Nini is coming home because she will have a vacation. That would mean that I would have more time with her running around the big lawn at our ancestral home in Ronda. I can have a reason to go farther from the house without being scolded by my mum because Nini is with me...hehehe!

It was Nini who gave me interest about catching butterflies and preserve them. I was never afraid of insects after that.

One thing that I wouldn't forget about Nini is that every morning she would have this runny nose. The same as my other cousins,Villalon side...hehehe...Paul is one. We have an ailment that are in common. Both of us have asthma. I can always give my mother an excuse to run as much as I can because Nini is doing it. I still can't escape with this excuse though.

One time when she was in college,she asked me if I could go with her and accompany her in the city at the dormitory where she stayed. It was summer vacation that time and she would be alone. I was very delighted about it because I can have a different environment and a chance to stay in the city for longer time. I was a bit disappointed though when we arrived at her dormitory because it was a steeper hill compared to my hometown's and the place,although the road is concrete,it is still like the country side. I have this little sense of freedom though because I'm away from my parent's watchful eyes. Actually I was grounded that time and was afraid that they won't permit me to go with Nini because prior to that, I busted me lower lip. I collided with another guy while swimming. My lower lip was ripped,the other guy's head had a big bump and bloodier.

It was here that I met Nini's husband-to-be that time,Uncle Rudlin. I liked him right away. He bribed me with comic books! It was uncle Rudlin who introduced me to X-men and to Prof. Xavier's school of young mutant. My fantasy world broadened because of this. Made me a step closer of becoming a total geek. Juggernaut vs. Wolverine was my instant favourite and I thought Jean Grey/Phoenix was not a good story. Uncle Rudlin gave me a total of 13 comic books that time. Nini's classmates were really green with envy when they saw me holding those comic books. One guy approached and tried to borrow but i did not allow him to touch any part of it. Another guy tried his luck. I think his method worked. I let him read the comic. Those comic books were part of my literary influence and my education too. Thank you for that,uncle Rudlin!I treasured those comic books until the flood covered it with mud.

Another great influence that I got from Nini (very unfortunate her architectural skills did not rub into me) was the habit of listening to music. She would tune in to this radio station,which is a hit to college students that time,I reckon. This radio station is worth mentioning here in my blog...hehehe!!! Nini would tune it to DYIO FM or popularly known as Y101. When I heard "Jack the Wack" talks on radio, I told myself that I will be like him. I got more inspired when I learnt that Jack is from the neighbouring town of my hometown. He is also from the south! His family name is also the same as my other uncle. I felt he was family.Nini was my music influence and inspired me to be a DJ. Although it it was Tita Luz who I always hear singing...i never heard Nini sing other than in the church...hahaha!!!^0^ Later when i was in high school in our journalism class,we had this "FM radio show" contest. My team won and I was voted as the best DJ. Thanks to those times that I spent with Nini listening to Y101! Not to mentioned it helped me honed my fluency in English.

Nini has helped me in many ways,directly or indirectly. She is one of my greatest influence,too. Again,i'm thankful she did not teach me how to drive...hehehe...!!! For the record! She was the one who was able to convince me to cut my long hair after I graduated high school where others failed. She even did it without any efforts. She just told me with great ease that I will be one of those who will light the candle on her wedding...and she will pay for the haircut. I accepted the deal without batting an eyelash.

Nini Camelia and uncle Rudlin are part of the few people whom I get inspiration and influence and helped me shape of who I am today.

Today is 8th of October. Nini,do you know why this day is very unforgettable for me and it always reminds me of you? I will share you this secret which my memory kept and which Yogi's memory slipped. This very day in 1983, I practised climbing a coconut tree. I learnt that you are arriving home and we talked before that, that we are going to get some coconuts and chicos. I feel from that coconut tree, 3 stories high! Yogi saw me fell but I doubt if he remembered and he did not dare to tell. I think I broke a rib or 2...hehehe!!! Only Noy Sebyo knows...my secret with the old man. A year later,in 1984,typhoon Nitang hit Ronda. Our chico tree got knocked down and never recovered including the big pomelo tree where you taught me to catch fireflies and put in a jar.

Lola Pacing

I don't know much about my ancestors, though I've met the mother of my grandfather and I was scared of her most of the time during our encounters. I thought that she was a ghost. I was 2 years old. That's my earliest memory of her. I think she died when I was 3 or 4 years old. She was ancient. That was my memory of her. How she looked like? Oh,never mind. Just think about a very healthy old person over 90 years old,that was my great-grandmother of my grandfather's side.

With my grandmother's side of the family, I only heard some stories and I would like to share this story.

Until recently,I never knew the real story of my great-grandparents,the parents of my grandmother. My grandmother has experienced a very traumatic incident during the early 1940's. It was the early stage of WWII.

From one of my uncle's account, my grandmother belonged to a prominent family. Her father,my great-grandfather was a government employee. He was then the City Assessor. Accordingly,they live in a simple modest lives and always ready to help others even think of other people first before themselves. My great-grandfather has helped a lot of people. Had he foreseen it that he would die early,he could have amass a lot wealth for himself and distribute it to his children,my grandmother and her sisters for that matter. He didn't enrich himself for he is known to be an honest man.

Then the war broke out. Soldiers of then Japanese Imperial Army invaded the Philippines. Soon,they reached Cebu. They were searching for high government officials,round them up and execute them. My great-grandfather was considered a high government official.

Japanese armies known as "Kempeitai",the military police,were the one in charge of capturing the likes of my great-grandfather. The infamous Kempeitai are known for their brutality so everyone run away and hide from them.

One story went,my great-grandparents were hiding in a cave. The Kempeitai was searching for them with a hooded traitor acting as a guide. They were well hidden in the cave but because of their dog,which was making a lot of noise,they were soon discovered by the search party. My great-grandparents were captured.

I wasn't given any details about their ordeal during the capture but they were executed immediately and was then hanged...that was the first story I heard...then another story surfaced. My grandmother together with her sisters were also captured by the Kempeitai. Their hands were tied behind their back then their parents were executed in front of them. The Kempeitai used a long bayonet to stab them and left them for dead. Later on they hanged their dead body on a tree. My grandmother and her sisters were left there to witness everything. When the dreaded Kempeitai left,my grandfather arrived. He was the one who brought my great-grandparents' body down. They could not ask for help from anybody because everyone have their own family members to bury. There were no coffins,so they ripped a closet apart and made a coffin out of it. Said a little prayer and then buried them.

I couldn't imagine how my grandmother felt that time. I don't want to dare to imagine it. Despite what happened,she moved on and raised her 9 kids. They had a hard life. My grandmother's parents did not leave them anything and whatever they had were confiscated or given to others already. My grandparents prevailed. What they lack in money they compensate with their wisdom and even more kindness. That single incident during the war was traumatic enough but my grandparents,especially my grandmother,did not teach me to hate. I know deep inside my grandmother has this hate to those who murdered her parents but she chose to live on. I am not in the position to say that she has forgiven those people. She just kept her feelings to herself. Was she thinking of revenge? I guess not or it could be that her revenge is different form. By living everyday,that's her revenge, by keeping her 9 children and brought them up,that's a revenge, by being kind and helpful,that is her revenge. She made her greatest revenge. My grandmother was able to haul her children to America. All but 2 of her 9 children are with her in America and most of the grandchildren too. She wanted me to be with them, but I have a different agenda.

Lola Pacing as she is known to all her grandchildren,a feisty woman,game show fan,a scrabble master,a mother of 9 children,wife of Lolo Inting, grandmother to countless of pups,me the number 1 knucklehead. She lived long enough and that is a revenge because she outlived,for sure, those people who,in one way or another,changed her fate.

Lola Pacing did not teach me how to hate. She taught me scrabble which I came to hate. I never won a game against her, but i was able to answer the crossword puzzle ahead of her. Only once,but that is an achievement, a big one for me. She will live longer for sure. She might still see me marry.

Dance With My Father by Luther Vandross

One of those songs that carry its message all over the world. It has a universal theme which everyone can relate to...whichever love ones you lost.

I still have my parents and they are pretty much around but I lost my grandfather. That was the greatest loss for me. After he died I also lost my trust with the rest of the humanity. I'm learning again how to trust...I pray that I will, I pray that I can...

Song's Lyrics

Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence
My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then
Spin me around ‘til I fell asleep
Then up the stairs he would carry me
And I knew for sure I was loved
If I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
How I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
When I and my mother would disagree
To get my way, I would run from her to him
He’d make me laugh just to comfort me
Then finally make me do just what my mama said
Later that night when I was asleep
He left a dollar under my sheet
Never dreamed that he would be gone from me
If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear how my mother cried for him
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’s dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream

Questions...I'm just asking...just asking....

Every weekend,here at my working place,students would usually have some activities like island hopping. Island hopping is scheduled every Sunday, now it is every other Sunday.

Last week 24th of July, it was on a Saturday. It could have been a special one since an agent who was checking our school was also joining. Special indeed because it turned out to be the worst island hopping that i have ever joined!

It could be a deliberate sabotage or just pure coincedence that everything should go wrong on that day.

First we started so late,in fact we were even an hour late from our original departure. This one has never happened before. We could be late but around 15minutes at most. Several reasons were given why the departure was late. One was there were these group of students who were misinformed about the schedule...misinformed? they were informed about the changes some few days before. Another thing is that one of these students was already there physically and all he need to do is to call his other friends or simply they cancel or join another schedule.

It has happened before that some students were late and they were left behind. What i can't understand is that why wait for a long time with these students. There were more than 30 students already who were waiting and adding to that fact, there is an agent! I thought that the management or the one in charge of the island for that matter knows the fact. I even kept on reminding the in charge about the situation. He just simply said, "we have to wait."... and wait we did!

Why only this time? Several times already that some students were late. We waited for a few minutes and if the student is still not around, they were left behind. They will be given refund later or change their schedule. This one was really different and I felt it was very strange. I was uneasy for my part because there was an agent and we were suppose to treat the agent the best that we can do. It wasn't the case. Another thing is,if we were delayed the van drivers trip will be delayed. They have other passengers to pick up too at a particular time. They complained that with every time delayed they have lost some income. The one in charge won't listen. That made the matter worse. Assemble time is 8:30am and departure time is 9:00am or some few minutes later than that...NOT and NEVER one full hour. There were only few students who were not there on time...FEWER, indeed it is even fewer than 10 students. The students who were there already were more than 30 plus an agent whom we should really give important attention.

What kind of managerial skills this fucking in charge has? I d0n't have a rat's ass's idea!!! He favoured a lesser number of students from an obvious majority and there was even an agent there, who waited patiently before the assembly time and even extended her patience more when she has to endure her motion sickness while sitting on a rocking boat. Some kind of treatment from this manager. I'm sure he will wash his hand on this incident like Pontius Pilate did on giving judgement to crucify Jesus Christ. They will surely pass the blame on someone else and as usual, and they do this regularly, the blame will fall on the subordinates. I won't be surprised if they will pass the blame on the drives or on me!

My bosses are a Koreans and I have been and still here in this company for the past 6 years. Most of the higher management positions are handled by Koreans too. There are good managers and worse managers. There are more good managers, really outnumbering the worse ones but the worse ones do more worse things that someone can't help but to generalise.

Why am I still here? I have many complaints yet still happy with my job. I do really hate one of the bosses to a point of wishing him death and even, at one time, prayed that the cancer of my aunt would transfer to him and let this boss of mine suffer greatly. I still work with the same vigor on the first day i worked here and I'm still willing to go for the extra mile...even without pay. I could have been long gone here if i didn't love my work. Only one person is making my day bad there are more people who are always smiling at me and extend their thanks whenever something is accomplished and to know that many people are satisfied with the things I do has more worth than the pay i got. Another thing that kept me here is the promise I made to some people...from colleagues,managers and owners alike. Once i'm freed from this promise,i'm gone here faster than the light. Several opportunies I let go in favour for this job i have now. I really like what I do and happ with it. Only unhappy with one of the bosses and a handful of managers, who are Koreans too. Even they are few,they are really good hellraisers.

One of those times that we went snorkelling at Hilutungan Reef off the coast of Mactan Island, Cebu.

There are still corals in that reef but it is in a very sad state. It has been said that the area is being developed by a Korean firm and they are planning to rehabilitate the place. In order to achieve this, this firm, authorised by the local government to collect fee for those who enter the area, whether snorkelling or scuba diving.

I have been swimming around this area for several years now but all I noticed is that everytime I go in the water, there are plenty of corals destroyed and a lot of materials that is foreign underwater. I can see more damage than rehab or repair.

There is a change on the island of Hilutungan though. There is this building now that looked like a restaurant. Maybe that's where the money went.

There are still many fish in the area but anemone fish or clownfish, the fish popularised in the movie Finding Nemo, are getting rarer. Before,whenever i go snorkelling,i would always see at least 3 to 5 groups of clownfish. Recently,there are times that i can't find anything...this is really sad.

I hope and pray that whoever or whatever group is trying to rehabilitate the area would really fix it. It would take a while for corals to grow. I hope that the next generation could still see in their natural habitat these fish, not in the aquariums or worse...in books.

Gone for a while

It has been a while that i have visited here. It must have been more than a year already. I think I have some "writer's block" or whatever...or i was just plainly lazy to write anything.

Well,this time,i have plenty to write about and this time it will be more provoking.It might cost me my job,but i don't fucking care anymore.

Some people has to know and I want to tell anything and everything about the stuffs that I see and experience.

May anyone who'll read this can help me on what to do and give their own reactions as well.

Wish me luck!!!^.^

acceptance

"Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood."

-Karen Casey

The 5 months that was...

5 months have passed. Wow, it is almost the middle of the year. What did I do so far? As usual, nothing much. Nothing has improved. Still the usual me only a year older hopefully a full year more mature.

I wonder if I can ever be tamed. Someone almost did,but as usual, she disappeared. I don't want to be tamed now. This is what I do and this is what I will be.

For the past five months there were some changes though...Let's see, to recall...Let's start on January...I started losing weight. Did a dare with someone that I could lose a lot of weight in just 2 weeks. I was able to prove that it can be done. Then before the month ended, I found my way into the kickboxing gym again. Not long after that, sometime on February, I went in the ring and fought 5 fighters in one night. No practise, no work-out, just all in the mind...stupid mind. After the fight,kinda like a tune-up fight, I found out later that i got injured. I broke 2 ribs and tore some musles somewhere on my right rib side. Undergone a therapy because of that and it limited my movement.

March was hell and so was April then May came and I was officially part of system. Meaning! I was able to get a birth certificate! And then i can get a passport. I have an identity!

Prior to that somewhere on April I got apprehended by traffic police because i did not follow some traffic signs. A really stupid one, and more than a moron because i was driving with an expired license. I could have be sent to jail. Luckily the officer let me go with a warning and urged me to renew my driver's license. Which I did and was absent for 2 days in the process. I hate to be absent.

So far, it is the middle of May now. I was suppose to join a 5kilometer open water swimming competition but failed to do so. I did not have enough practise but i did swim again in the middle of a strong rain. I was hoping that a storm would be there on a weekend. Nevertheless, i did enjoy the wave, drank some salty water,burn me eyes, but the feelings of being so free and just let the will of the wave carry you is elating. I will do it again soon...swim in the middle of a thunderstorm. Do I have a death wish? Of course none! This is just the way I celebrate life.

It is almost half-way of the year...let's see what the other half could bring me.

This is what I live by...Learn the lessons of the past, live the present for they will be your past soon, a treasure and let the future take care of itself. The future also depends on what you do today.

Universal Prayer

"Universal Prayer"Jamelia and Tiziano Ferro

woh woh~ x3 na na na na

[Verse 1] I'm just the same as you

I could be the same age too

Listen to the same music you do

Everyday

No matter what separates us

The same stars we see at night

No matter what's up against us

Still gonna have dreams burning bright

I believe we fear what we dont know

We can be our own enemy

But if we conquered that

If you take my hand

I see a girl you see a man

[Chorus]

Everybody has the same dream

A dream in their heart

Get a chance to make a life

Love somebody they want

Open your eyes, we're all the same

We've all been scared

So lets sing together now Na na na na

In this universal prayer

woh woh x3 na na na na

[Verse 2]

I see smoking lights

That complicate a simple life

I'm here and you are there

Miles away

All you gotta do Is believe

That anything you want

You can reach

There's no limit to what we could be

so open your mind and set yourself free

I believe we fear what we dont know

We can be our own enemy

But if we conquered that

If you take my hand

I see a girl you see a man

[Chorus]

[Bridge]

And if you say that I'm naive

That I dont understand the world at all

You might be right but it seems to me

That we've come to far to fall

'Cause I believe that tears

Are dried seeds that've sown

The harvest time will come

And all this pain will go

So try to understand

We're just grains of sand

Every woman every man

Woh, woh (x3)Na na na na

[Chorus]

Everybody has the same dream A dream in their heart Get a chance to make a lifeLove somebody they want Open your eyes, we're all the same We've all been scared So lets sing together now Na na na naIn this universal prayer

[Chorus]

Everybody has the same dream A dream in their heart Get a chance to make a lifeLove somebody they want Open your eyes, we're all the same We've all been scared

So lets sing together now Na na na naIn this universal prayer Woh, woh (x3)

Na na na na...

glances

Friday as usual are the tests and today is the last test of these batch of powersim students.

I miss those days when you were here and I would glance at you taking your test. Actually I was hesitant to teach the class when you were here. I don't want to create some controversies. But no one else would teach.With you also, i was able to take a glance of how i could be and i want to be there and see how things are. I hope that it is with you.

To me you are perfect. I have met many people, women to be in particular but nothing compares to you. Indeed everybody is special and have their own strengths and weaknesses but you broke the moulds when i came to know you.

You said that you don't need any inspirations to make you work hard, that is your strength and to add to that you also have the charm and beauty,both the physical and the inner one. Your weakness though is that you sometimes believe that others are better or more beautiful than you and sometimes you are impatient. I may be not a good judge of your characters and of course I have no right to say it, i am just stating what I see in you. You have all the rights to disagree and condemn me for that.

I love you for who you are. The woman you are, the woman that you will be. I love you for everything. May it always be my words.